Rewind Time

Note: Leaving town today for a few days to ring in 2010 and to take care of a few matters. If the time and the inspiration hits me, you may get some new stuff. Until then, let me leave you with a rewind blog. I wrote this one on my former blog home, Yahoo 360. Shout out to my blog homie from the 360 days Original Glamazon! Enjoy this and to you and yours have a safe and blessed New Year. Don't drive drunk and do what you do if it is FUN and SAFE!!!

Sometimes church can be funny...

I like to observe things and people watch. Of course this can happen anywhere and anytime. Church is the one place where you can sit quietly and watch many things unfold but if these events unfold incorrectly, you have to fight like hell to not laugh out loud. For example:

We all aren't great singers and sometimes we get stuck next to someone who sings better or worse than us. There is one lady who sings very nice, I mean she sounds like she has been trained. But she sings so good, she sometimes drowns out the choir. I see folks in the choir looking real frustrated as they hear her voice go up a few octaves. I want to turn to her and really encourage her to don a robe and add to the already stellar, angelic singing occuring at the FRONT of the church. Of course the flip side to that is the person who sings so badly, they mess up your already bad singing and then you have a whole section sounding like Corky from Life Goes on.

As a young man learning the ways of how to dress properly (back in the day there was no "What Not to Wear, you either took someones advice on what to wear or you got clowned) I was taught that you do not wear striped shirts with a striped tie. And what do I see, a gentleman wearing a Fruit Stripe Gum shirt (Yeah, you remember Fruit Stripe Gum) and a striped tie. My eyes watered when I saw the combination and I quickly had to regain my composure as I was going to communion. Wow, that combination was louder than Joe Clair in a wind tunnel!

Why are some of these young mothers wearing revealing clothing to CHURCH?! There is this one young lady who wears jeans every Sunday and those jokers are low riders! So when she decided to dress up in a nice pantsuit, the pants were low riding! Geez, we are there to repent and here you are trying to sell us some crack! Get behind me Satan!!!!

I can say this, it seems I have been getting lucky with those sitting around me and their breath. Either that or these folks have been doing what they need to do....BRUSH THEIR TEETH! Remember, a brush at night needs to be reinforced in the morning, the cavity creeps are just that, they like to creep around your dry ass mouth at night! So when you wake in the morning, that green cloud around your head is from the war the just finished fighting in your mouth! So fight fire with fire, brush your breath with some toothpaste and wash it out with some Listerine! Because Listerine kills the germs that cause bad breath!

Who knew getting your weekly dose of Jesus could be so entertaining?

End of the Decade, What did I learn?

Time to wind down 2009 and ease onto 2010 and hey wouldn't you know it, the 1st decade of the 21st Century is over! Who knew? How time flies, weren't we just selling off the surplus food and emergency supplies from Y2K on ebay not too long ago? So much has happened from 2000 until now, so much history made (good and bad) which leaves us wondering what the future will hold as we are still in uncertain times in so many ways. So what did I learn this decade:

1. Tiger Woods should have stayed single.

His father told him at one time, don't get married! I think those words are echoing in his head more and more these days as he looks for a divorce lawyer. You can really argue that the way he went about his infidelity was all on him and you could also say he should have kept it in his pants. Either way what I know about parents is that they know their children. Earl Woods knew his son would be out there either way so it would have probably been best for all involved that he had not married his wife and he could get all of the kinky sex he wanted with chicks I wouldn't f*ck with your d*ck.

2. Post-Racial is complete Bulls*it:

Obama gets elected and a new low for politics is set. Now you have tea parties, birthers, FOX News and racist whack jobs all rising out of the wood work to incite fear. How do you think the President, himself a Constitutional lawyer can take your guns away? Were you absent from school the day they taught government? He can't do s*it without Congress having some say on it! America did show that we could and together in tough times and elect a black man to our nation's highest office. But to say that racism as we know it is over because of that is a lie in opinion simply because I have seen a great disrespect for the office since Obama assumed it and no one has had an awakening to end any type of racial strife. There is a long way to go to truly get to Post-Racial, I hope that I will be around to experience that day.

3. I'm not sure we are all that safe:

Just when you thought we were getting a bit better on the homefront in terms of airline and anti-terror security, all of the stuff pops off during Christmas on the flights from Amsterdam to Detroit. Many would argue that all that was done post 9/11 was not effective as now we have to wade through long lines of security checks to get on a plane and not being sure that air marshals are on every flight (albeit your flight). I partially agree but I am not sure what could be done any differently or any better. Knowing the threat helps and intelligence is sometimes either dated or late, on time intelligence is a rare thing IMHO. All we can do is be more vigilant as we travel and in our personal lives. Prayer doesn't hurt either!

4. Entertainers don't exist anymore:

We have plenty of "celebrities" but very few (if any) are entertainers. Celebrity is being bestowed on any random mofo who has a sex tape, date-me reality show or attempts to sing, rap or dance. Music as an art form has been relegated to a secondary position as record conglomerates continually cram cookie cutter hip-hop, R&B and American Idol winners down our throat. You don't actually need talent, just look pretty, wear something tight and scream really loud over this Swizz Beats track. (Sound familar? Insert name of just about any singer here). We miss Michael Jackson!!!!

It's not all bad, this has overall been a good decade. For me, love is here to stay and I am blessed with family and good friends. Things have been good and I am hoping that things will get better not only for me but for you, yours and all of us. Be easy and Happy New Year! Look for more entries and some blog rewinds as I celebrate the coming of 2010. I dare not blog drunk...

The Professor's 2009 Dude of the Year

I don't think there was any competition in this race. Hell, I don't think I had alot of nominees but my 2009 Dude of the Year is: The Most Interesting Man In The World. Yeah I know he does not really exist but if he did, wouldn't every guy want to be that damn smooth? Let me give you a bit about him by just breaking down what has been said about him. These are classic:

• He has never lost a sock.
• He has been known to cure narcolepsy, just by walking into the room.
• His organ donation card, also lists his beard.
• He’s a lover, not a fighter, but he’s also a fighter, so don’t get any ideas.
• When it is raining, it is because he is sad.
• Even his parents’ advice is insightful.
• If there were an interesting gland, his would be larger than most men’s entire lower intestines.
• His shirts never wrinkle.
• He is left-handed. And right-handed.
• Even if he forgets to put postage on his mail, it gets there.
• He once knew a call was a wrong number, even though the person on the other end wouldn’t admit it.
• You can see his charisma from space.
• The police often question him, just because they find him interesting.
• He once punched a magician. That’s right. You heard me.
• When he orders a salad, he gets the dressing right there on top of the salad, where it belongs…where there is no turning back.
• If a monument was built in his honor, Mt. Rushmore would close, due to poor attendance.
• His beard alone has experienced more than a lesser man’s entire body.
• His blood smells like cologne.
• On every continent in the world, there is a sandwich named after him.
• He doesn’t believe in using oven mitts, nor potholders.
• His cereal never gets soggy. It sits there, staying crispy, just for him.
• His pillow talk is years ahead of it’s time.
• Respected archaeologists fight over his discarded apple cores.

And of course the commercials which are in my opinion classics:

And who could resist taking advice such as:

"Find out what you don't do well and don't do that thing."

Pick up lines: "There is a time and place, the time is never. You can figure out the place on your own."

Self Defense: "The right look should suffice." *Stares Crazily at the camera*

I present the 2009 Prof Award for Dude of the Year to the Most Interesting Man in the World. Thank you for helping all dudes up their game!

Old School Break...Shake Ya ass if you got it!

The Case of the PTA. Get the HELL out yo seat!!! You know you want to!

Hot or Not? Nicki Minaj (Exhibit A)

Ok...I'm not sure how to feel about this. Can it get better or am I making too much of this?

I know her album isn't supposed to drop for a minute but can I get some original material? I'll keep hunting and get back to you and when I do...We'll do it LIVE!!!!! On the East Coast...enjoy your snow day!!!

P.S., Nicki you got me lustin...could this be love?

This is the second time I have followed up a blog with a entry about someone in the previous blog. I have been hearing alot about Ms. Minaj and yes I am a bit curious if she has skills. I will find out later today as I have found a few sites with some of her tracks. I did happen to see her on 106 and Park performing with Robin Thicke. That was eye opening to say the least, cause she got hips and ASS for days! I love how Aries Spears breaks it down about hips v. ass (Sounds like a Supreme Court case? Justice Sotomayor...what is your decision?)

I guess in my mind I so want to see a hip-hop artist succeed in stead of falling into the crap hole and maybe her more so because she looks the way she does. Yeah, that is shallow as hell but I said it! Besides that, if she has the skills shouldn't we want her to succeed? Never mind the reports that her ass may be "fake" but the way it moves, hell I have a few doubts myself! Can she move into the pantheon of Women I Love? Stay tuned, she has to pass the Professor's test for non-wackness! When you step to me...be ready! I think my former students can attest to that! Be easy, I'll holla! We made it, it's Friday!!!!!

The Professor

The Spectrum of Nasty

So now there is a new kid on the block, Nicki Minaj. Just heard about her this weekend and I may have seen her on BET but wouldn't have known her from a hole in the ground. Yeah, I must be getting old because I don't know half of any of these celebrities nor so called MCs anymore. Maybe if any of them did anything that DIDN'T SUCK, maybe I would give a shit who they are! I did a web search for her today and then started to look at her pictures. Similar searches included Trina (aka The Baddest Bitch) and Lil Kim. Interesting similar searches as what I read has made comparisions of Nicki Minaj to Lil Kim. Funny, to me her body is more similar to that of Trina which leads me to call Minaj "Trina lite".

Now I don't know what kind of MC Minaj will be, but one thing is pretty certain is that her sexuality will be an asset as well as a major part of her emceeing. As I thought about this and the comparision I made to Trina, I was thinking where would Ms. Minaj fall on a list of the raunchiest female MCs? I thought of 3 MCs and one R&B singer who has a bit of a rep in her music to be raw in her sexuality. The contenders are:

Trina: Miami's own, famous for such hits as "The Baddest Bitch" and of course my all time favorie her duet with Trick Daddy on Nann N*gga,

Lil Kim: The Queen B, admiring her shoes from Gucci, eatin sushi playin with her p*ssy! (Classic line amongst many from the Lil one)

And the R&B "star" Adina Howard: You remember when "A Freak Like Me" came out. Seems like all the freaks got a bit freakier when that dropped. Since then, she fell into obscurity for a few years but has had moderate success with songs like "Nasty Grind", "(Freak) And U Know It" and "T-Shirt & Panties" played in the film Woo.

So my spectrum would be from top (freak of the decade) to bottom (up and coming freak):

1. Adina Howard: Gotta love those song titles. I mean yeah she is half remembered but more forgotten but her s*it is raw. This is beyond baby making music, this is "put on this construction helmet so I won't kill you whilst I bang you to this nasty ass song" music. I think her next album she may start singing about Cincinnati Bowties, Dirty Sanchez's and Rusty Trombones.

2. Lil Kim: A close second, Lil Kim has some lines where I wanted to J*zz in my pants. And her videos...well don't get up and go anywhere in public for about 15-20 minutes.

3 Trina: Never trust a big butt and smile...

4. Nicki Minaj: As I said, it will remain to be seen what kind of nasty, freaky ass s*it she will be throwing on a track. I just hope she's decent, try to not fall into the mold of the current state of hip-hop. Or at least don't get booed off stage a la OJ the Juiceman.

What an age we live in!!! All the sex you can stand and all you have to do is have iTunes!!!

Class dismissed....

I support black, not ignorant

I think alot of confusion has come about in the age of "hatin" where if one does not subscribe to what is hot, not or black then you are classified as a hater. Thinking long and hard about this, I really could not accurately (not enough to give it justice) define what hatin' or being a hater is. Now I gotta go to school on you and pull out, yes...THE URBAN DICTIONARY to provide some clarity on this.

Hater: A person that simply cannot be happy for another person's success. So rather than be happy they make a point of exposing a flaw in that person.

Hatin': Sayin bad things about/puttin someone down because they have something that you want

So basically, it all boils down to one word: jealousy! As the title of the blog states, I support my sistas and brothas provided what they are doing is positive and makes a bit of damn sense. I had a former co-worker who took this to an extreme and supported black even though the intent of the person may be kind of questionable. Which leads me to wonder how pervasive is this type of thinking when it comes to people's reactions when someone says "I'm not supporting Tyler Perry's new movie" or "I don't like Beyonce, she can't act/sing/whatever." Does a statement like that classify someone as a hater? Let's analyze this.

I will be honest, not a Beyonce fan. There are songs of her's I like but not a fan of her singing and her acting is even worse. She couldn't play a corpse on CSI, lets be real here! Now in saying that I am just offering an opinion of how I judge her talent. Her success is great, she is popular and that is why one works hard and grinds to enjoy the benefits of success. So does my opinion of her make me a hater? I have not said that i envy her success and hopes she fails. On the contrary, I hope that she continues to entertain the masses but in the same regard become better at it. I think as a people we have become a bit too sensitive especially now that we come from more and more diverse backgrounds. I am a lover of music...good music and what passes today for music does not get my approval or support. If you are good, I will give you credit. Doesn't mean I have to like you, I just either support or not support you. No jealousy involved, to be able to sing, act or be creative and to touch a life with it is simply a gift from God. We need to take better care as to use certain terminology when we describe what we percieve as the actions of others. Lastly, we need to return to better respecting the opinions of others. Diversity in thought makes us better, stronger. I like that black folks do things differently and that we are all aren't the same in how we think. I like that better than being a lemming. Thoughts greatly appreciated!

Death by Hubris

The Notre Dame football drama has been thick for about two weeks but today it will come to an end. At 1pm Eastern, a press conference is scheduled to introduce Cincinnati coach Brian Kelly as the 17th coach of the program. This occurs after 5 years of failure (dare I say karma) under Charlie Weis to restore the luster of the golden helmet as a power in college football. Sadly, I think ND's slump into football mediocity was self imposed and it began with the firing of Tyrone Willingham. I was outraged that Willingham didn't get at least 5 years to get it together. At that time, ND seemed to be headed in the right direction and maybe they could get back to the promised land. But after a winning season, a season that didn't produce a national championship or a major bowl appearance, Willingham was let go prompting outrage among African-American's who felt he didn't get a fair shake considering coaches at ND with worse records were permitted to coach and finish their contract before they were released.

I grew up a ND fan, hey how can you be Catholic and not I thought! The 90's under Lou Holtz were a golden age for the golden domers, consistent winners, top 10 finishes and the 1989 national championship. And who could forget the epic battles against Miami, those were some great days! After Willingham was dismissed and ND went on a search for their "great white hope", I lost all interest in their program and watched with a bit of delight as Weis tried and failed to revive the program. Weis, a protege of Bill Parcells is all his former boss, arrogant and unapologetic. But I can say this about Parcells, he was a winner although you didn't like him very much.

But as conferences have grown, bowl alliances have changed so has the landscape of college football. ND continues to be an independent in football but aligning itself with the Big East for all other sports. Top that off with having an exclusive TV contract with NBC and you have all the makings of a program that continues to find ways to cut the oxygen off to it's dying legacy in college football. High School players these days can only take so much of hearing about the classic days of a program, they want to know what can you do for me now! ND continues to harp on their legacy and uses that as why they don't want to join a conference. Unfortnately in the age of "What have you done for me lately", it may be time with a new coach and a possible revival joining a conference may help to save the program from sinking to the depth of what the majority of programs view as success. That would be seasons of 7-5, 8-4. 9-3 etc. as opposed to 12-0 and national championships. I will watch today's press conference with keen interest and I hope Coach Kelly will have some success. Maybe he is what ND needs to get back onteh natinoal scene, he seems genuine and put Cincy (a basketball school) on the football map for the time being. I hope Cincy will not fall into obscurity, that does seem likely but only time will tell.

The obligatory Tiger Woods blog

I was really, really, really trying to avoid this. Everyone in the world is talking about this guy and now that the dust has settled a bit, what is left to be said about the world's greatest golfer and his ladies? First off, it appears that Tiger is human!! Oh no, newsflash...can we get that to ESPN's Bottomline right now! Yes people, he plays a game like an indestructible, superman. What we have found out is that his kryptonite is the booty, the same kryptonite that has brought down alot of famous men. I am not defending what he has done, he cheated on his wife and that should not be given a pass. What he realizes though is that he has made a grave mistake, is very remorseful for his actions which not only affect him, but also his children who are not old enough to know what is happening but will one day read or hear about it.

When this story first broke, I knew that many would lose all respect for him. Not only because he had such a squeaky clean image but also because he plays golf, a very exclusionary sport and a mostly white sport. Many look at golf as the last bastion of civility, self defined as a "gentlemanly game." I don't know about you, but I think there is no such thing as a civil sport nor there ever was. Mainstream sports like baseball and football have dished their dirt and continues to do so even more in this age of twitter and tell all books. The reason we know more about other sports like Tennis and Golf is because of how they have crept onto our radar and their names are as familiar to us as the heroes of the past in more well known sports. Andre Agassi in his autobiography told about drug abuse while he played pro tennis. Drug abuse in pro tennis? I can see the outrage of many who either are in disbelief or are mad that he told. If all of this is going on in Tennis, why should golf be any different? These are men playing a game and are being held to a gentlemen's standard that probably died off in the 60's. Tiger has the pressure of being the best in his sport, being black in his sport and dealing with scrutiny of being married to a white woman, a woman who was the nanny to a tour competitor (more about him in a minute). So I suspect at this point, the whole house of cards has come crashing down around him as his reputation takes a gigantic blow, he has in the eyes of some has smashed the civility and pureness of the game and has put himself on the list of brothas who while married to a white woman just couldn't keep it in his pants.

I agree that he owes no explanation to any of us. He has enough problems that he has to address and wounds at home to heal. If he wants to tell what he feels is important, then so be it. I feel like what has happened is between him and his wife. The other women in all of this are your worse type of groupie, you got him, he gave you some "Buy you some shit and shut up money" but you still want to tell it all. I thought there was a code or rule book for both parties in a high finance cheating situation? Well as these women have proved, there is no honor among jumpoffs!

Jesper Parnevik, the golfer whom Tiger's wife Elin worked for when he met her publicly ripped him a few days post incident. Parnevik stated he wished he had never introduced them and he felt like he owed Elin an apology. That's funny, but isn't that kind of fucked up? I wonder how Tiger felt about that. If I was him, I would have to text him and say "I wish I could hear you over all my major championships and this billion dollar bank account...bitch!" Just straight hateration and that's from a fellow tour member. Just try and imagine how some of the fans feel?

When asked today on the Dan Patrick Show about Tiger's situation, Charles Barkley offered a wide range of opinions but this was the best one. Sir Charles talked about when he got his DUI not too long ago and how many people (those he knew well as well as the media) ripped him about his behavior. Barkley took note of those folks and he made sure that he ripped them or will rip them when they do something stupid. He suggested that Tiger do the same, cause you know they talking. Tiger, I would suggest putting Mr. Parnevik Number One with a bullet on that list!!

Class dismissed...

Awkward Moments: Partying amongst Frienemies

I rarely have awkward moments at parties. When I arrive I see friends have lots of laughs and just chill. With all of that going on, where is there room for an awkward moment? Are you the person who is cool with everyone but the folks in the circle that you in have their interpersonal squabbles that makes your good relationships awkward? I never understood how that came about for me, I like to think I could get along with just about anyone and if I had a problem with someone I would either address the issue (most likely scenario) or just not associate myself with you (last resort either because the person has pissed me off or is a complete d-bag or biatch).

Last night I went a xmas party hosted by friends at their home. It was a good night for a xmas party, it was cold, the first snow of the season had fallen during the day and it just felt like a great Saturday night thing to do. As soon as I walked in, I scanned the room and there were folks congregating in different areas talking, dancing and drinking. Sounds like a good party, yes. But then something struck me as odd, like a tension but I ignored for a hot second as I saw a friend I had not seen in a while and then that feeling of tension came back. I realized that she was friends with me and had been associated with some of the other folks at the party but each party was at opposite ends of the room. We chatted for a few but at that point the die had been cast, things were officially awkward.

I hate feeling like this, kind of being the buffer amongst folks who aren't necessarily cool with each other. What's even more strange is when I am engaged in a conversation in short distance from the frienemy and my attention span splits between the conversation and observing the reaction of the other person and the resulting awkwardness from that situation. In work situations where this has happened, I have walked away hands in the air and hoping that the two opposite parties either figure it out or kill each other. Either way, I am no longer in the middle of your war!!!

Anyone have this problem, always feeling like you are constantly in the middle?

P.S., I Love You Paula Patton

I saw Precious this past weekend with my mom, aunt and my dad. After watching that movie, seeing my beloved Cavaliers get crushed again by Va Tech was uplifting. The movie wasn't too bad, just sad. I want to know more about this novel and is it based on true events or not. But what got me about the movie was the cast. For a minute I didn't recognize Ms. Blue and then it hit me...Paula Patton! My aunt looked at me during one point in the movie when she was on the screen and I must have been grinning like a horny teenager. Yeah, I am not a hater but Robin Thicke made the "I'm hatin on you list" this past weekend! Whoo wee and damn...I think I would sit through that movie again just to see her!

The 80's called, they want their fashions back!

I have to remind myself that I work in close vicinity to a college campus in a college town. Depending on when I take lunch, I find myself in the between class rush of students. Now I am not a single man but that doesn't mean I can't look. Ahhh, youth and some of the young ladies...well this is a family blog! LOL!!! I hate to say this but the 80's are back!! I know, surprised? You shouldn't be, they say everything old is new again. I guess every generation brings back something that was way before their time but to see leggings, big sweaters, wayfarer sunglasses and popped collars on polo shirts ala Tom Cruise in Risky Business is a bit much. These youngins were just DNA when these fashions were out originally! Oh well, I just hope the 70's don't come back!

30 days to 2010: What I am feeling today.

Just as 2009 rolled in with much rejoicing and revelry, the year ends and time marches ever forward. I awoke today (late) got my stuff together and left for the job. My mind reflected on so many things, I thought about a friend who has just recently suffered a loss and the words "Time Marches On" just echoed in my head. As I child, I never knew what 2009 would look like. Hell, I don't think I had any concept of time. When does one develop that concept? I think growing up, the seasons was my way of telling time. There were certain things I looked forward to, going to football games with my dad ushered in fall as summer drew to a close, snow and blizzards are my fondest memories of winter, the chill of winter gave way to a certain smell and warmth in the air as spring came back around and of course summer and the heat while playing in the street and walking everywhere! The things one does when you are young! It's like heat didn't affect me at all as I ran up and down a basketball court in the middle of the day with no shirt! Now I hate walking outside to my car when it's over 100 degrees!! Life is a funny thing like that.

This past thanksgiving was one of the best I have had in a while. My cousins who I grew up with and I were under the same roof for the first time in years for thanksgiving. We laughed and joked like we had never stopped celebrating thanksgiving together. It makes me appreciate going home more because we don't know how much time we truly have. We all hope and for 4 score in 20 (that's from the bible...do the math..LOL!) and it is truly a blessing when someone can live that long or beyond. And as I reflect on that, I think more and more about my parents knowing that one day they will not be with me and my brother anymore. But I am so THANKFUL for them now and always because of the influence they have had on my life. I don't think I would be who I am today without them doing all that they have done. There is a new chapter in my life that is unfolding and I feel like I am ready for it all because my parents have been such good role models in so many ways from them encouraging me, letting me know when I get out of line (you know what happened there) and just being good people. It is a shame that so many of our youth don't have good role models. I guess I am infurated when I see kids acting out and all they need is some discipline instead of a parent who wants to be their friend and compromise with them. My parents believed in the belt and I got it when it was needed. These days, you so much as say belt and the child care services are kicking in your door. That is a shame and a sin, we are doing are children a great disservice.

Today I reflect on all of those whose shoulders I stand on. Those who endured on my behalf so I could succeed and be a mentor and trailblazer for my nieces, cousins and all those coming after me. I want to be the best at all I am and will be and for that desire I owe so many whom I have thanked and those whom I have never met. Regardless, I know I can never thank them enough.

Have You Had Your Pain Today? (Exhibit B)

Amy Winehouse, example of a tortured soul? I think anyone who follows current popular culture, the news or just a music lover knows her story halfway well. I have to keep asking myself, what the hell happened to her voice? Let me explain. I think she is a good singer but her chops aren't as good since she started riding the pipe train. I love her Frank B Sides album. This album is a mostly remix, live and alternate versions of some of her cuts from the Frank album. The song that strikes me most is her version of "There is no greater love." She kills it! The rest of the album is very good, just good music to listen to in the car or just lounging around the house. What is lacking in my opinion is the voice in her current music but what is common from that album until now is the passion, the longing and the hurt. She deals with love, breakups, infidelity, relationship roles and even takes a swipe at ho's all on one remix album. That is a broad range of issues as well as emotions. When she deals with the more intimate issues, you can hear it in her voice that she is singing from experience, from deep within her soul. This album for me shows the origin of pain and how it has been spread throughout many years and ultimately leading to the downfall of a truly unique voice in music. I just hope she gets it together and gets back fully in the game. Until next time...hopefully not 4 months from now! LOL!!!

Marion Barry: The B*tch Set Me Up II

Marion Barry needs to make some serious decisions about his political career. That is a very funny sentence simply because any other politician who had done the things he has done would have been a distant memory. I think he either needs to: 1. Give up politics all together or 2. Just say no to the booty. Judging once again the simple fact he is beloved in Washington DC, and all of the controversy he has survived as well as all of the controversy he is embroiled in, I think option 1 is out of the picture. It is amazing, albeit hilarious how much booty can and has gotten him and a host of other politicians in a whole heap of trouble! Between Barry, Bill Clinton, Eliot Spitzer and Mark Sanford these guys have enough experience to open a strip club.

WTOP-FM in Washington reported today that the voicemail tapes had been handed over to the Washington City Paper along with written transcripts of the messages that Barry left on the voicemail of his 40-year old girlfriend Donna Watts. Hell, just for good measure there is a "bonus" track of a fight that occured between the two. They say bonus track like Diddy produced this hot mess! Listen if you have some time, just hit the bathroom beforehand. I dont want you mad at me if you wet yourself laughing at this shit!

Why do we put up with such buffoonery? Better yet, how do you say stuff like "I'm addicted to you" on a voicemail and then have to face up to it when it hits the media? When I visit DC these days, I am kind of astonished at the partial gentrification that is ongoing in the city. Some areas are building town centers, expensive condos in the shadows of urban decay and now the man who once led the city, who was once seen as an icon (and to some still is) is back to his old tricks. DC is in trouble, more so than one could EVER imagine.

This one's for Mike

I think I am kind of in silent shock about Michael Jackson. In a way, I had forgotten about him. Within the last few years with all of the accusations and court cases, he had become a bit of an outcast of sorts and I started to wonder what had happened. How I asked myself as I look at his album covers on my iPod did all of what he had and was as an artist (meaning his look, style etc)change so dramatically. As I pulled into my apartment complex listening to Human Nature almost 24 hours before he died I said...I miss black Mike. Weird statement I know, but i said it jokingly. But then last week, sitting in a bar having been really busy at work I hadn't heard he was hospitalized. I don't think anyone but God knew what was to happen next but we now all know that he is gone.

The very next day I went to a cookout and all of the music that was played for a majority of the evening was Michael Jackson and just like everyone else, it took me back! I knew where I was when I fell in love with hip-hop, but Michael Jackson is timeless in so many ways. His style and music did change dramatically but one thing was certain, when MJ was involved you were going to get a show. The question was "how would he amaze me this time?" The most memorable MJ moment for me was his performance of Billie Jean on the Motown 25 special in 1983. Everyone you knew was watching and they were all watching to catch his performance. And if you remember it like I do, it was one for the ages. My biggest question is this: After all of this news coverage slows down and we do learn what was the final determination of his death, will we REALLY know the whole story? I would bet no simply to preserve his memory, legacy as well as to minimize additional pain that can be caused.

As my partner in crime Uniqpoet said: "God must be having a concert, he has James Brown, Isaac Hayes, Barry White and now Michael Jackson...he's jammin!!!!" Thanks Michael Jackson, RIP.

Special Edition of Kill Ya Self...Sarah Palin COME ON DOWN!!!

I can't believe that it took this long for a Kill Yourself for this stupid ass but here it is! Now I could have given her a kill yourself shout out during the election but hey she was running for office. All I could do was shake my head and wonder what the hell McCain was thinking! (Just like the rest of America) She said dumb stuff everyday but still nothing from me. Now the election has come and gone and she is still here...but I let that go because I thought the majority of attention was coming from FOX News. All of their anchors have been to Alaska at least once a piece to interview her post-election to see how things were going and I guess to see if she really could see Russia from her house!

Just when you thought it was safe to turn on the TV and not see her ass, she is beefing with David Letterman! David Letterman? So you are pissed off about what Letterman says was a comment about your oldest daughter? Now whether it was about the younger or older, Letterman admitted his mistake and moved on. Did Gov. Palin move on...oh no! Instead she got huffy with Matt Lauer about the comments and will not back down. The man apologized, what the hell more do you want! Plus you are mad at a man who makes his living joking on folks who are famous and/or in the spotlight! That's like arguing with a drunk person, who's the fool you or the drunk person. This is just Sarah Palin holding on to that last scrap of spotlight until 2012 when GOD help us you decide to stay your ass home and don't run...or...hell run! There are folks who will vote for you but there are more who see you as a dizzy ass politician with no clue about well, anything.

Sarah Palin, go home please! Oh and by the way...KILL YOURSELF!

Fried Green Slavery

Am I the only person who finds the show "Down Home with the Neely's" the 21st century's Amos and Andy? I mean really, it is bad enough that these two have too many TMI moments for a 30 minute show but damn do you also have to be or "act" that country on TV? I really dont need to see these two damn near having sex or spanking each other with kitchen tools. This may be the closest I have ever come to food porn!

My gf likes to watch to see how bad the cooning gets, sort of a can we top the WB frog this week! Now you may think I am dogging them out but it is not unecessarily, watch the show and tell me if you think they are a bit over the top with the coonery. Tell you what, watch an episode where it is just them (maybe some of their family may stop by) then compare it to the episode where they invited some of the cast of "House of Payne" and then you decide. I am not going to tell you what to expect but lets just say you may need earplugs and a NAACP rally to restore your dignity.

Food Network is slipping hard, their lack of reputable chefs to fill their show slots is clearly obvious after you watch this show. After Emeril and Mario Batali left, there aren't too many "chefs" on this network anymore. In fact, "The Next Food Network Star" is their new farm system. The winners of this show (Guy Fieri and "Big Daddy"...don't know the brotha's name) are the beneficiaries of winning and gaining a slot on the network. How bad is Food Network they can't get one big name chef to cook on their network for at least 30 minutes once a week. Hell, Emeril got an hour 4 nights a week, ran a handful of restaurants and put that network on the map!

Current lineup:

Tyler Florence: I like what he cooks but his show is called the "Ultimate" whatever he is cooking. I think he was an English major in college, he uses a WIDE variety of adjectives to describe what he is cooking. That is the only thing annoying about him. (3.5 stars out of 5)

Ina Garten ("The Barefoot Contessa): I love this woman, her food is simple and she has personality. As much as I hate to admit it, she is kind of pretentious but who cares! (4 stars out of 5)

Sandra Lee: I hate her tablescapes, matching outfits and her "semi home made" approach to cooking. She is influencing a new group of anti-cooks. I wonder who she blew to get her show? (1 star out of 5)

Bobby Flay: This guy's a dick and he thinks the cooking world revolves around him. (2 stars out of 5)

Rachael Ray: Annoying, Annoying, Annoying! She says EVOO one more time, I swear!!! Her combinations are TERRIBLE! (2 stars out of 5)

Sunny Anderson: The horrible weave, nervous laugh and lack of kitchen skills make her the black version of Rachael Ray (2 stars out of 5)

That is only a few, the only question I have is what the hell happened to Daisy Martinez? I saw two episodes and gone! They need more folks like her on Food Network. Maybe she saw the writing on the wall and went back to PBS. Damn!!!

Spirit of Doo Doo

Authors Note: The title is EXACTLY what you think I am going to talk about. Proceed at your own risk.

I hate taking a crap at work. At my last job, I hated it so much I would go to another building so I could have some privacy and blow up a spot where no one knew me. Since we didn’t have faculty/staff bathrooms and had to use the same facilities as the students, I didn’t want my business to be public record with my students. There were a few times where I would time it, like I knew when students would (or should be) in classes or they were not on campus. Sounds silly I know but you are talking to a guy who at home, if it gets real good while I am in the confines of my home facility will get butt naked. So I take the comfort and privacy thing to a whole new level…at home! Don’t get it twisted, hell when using a public facility, you barely want your clothes to touch anything let alone you butt to a toilet papered seat! When it is 5pm and you live in a town as small as mine, the trip home to take care of business is not as daunting as compared to rush hour in D.C. If you hold it in D.C. and hit that rush hour traffic, you may want to consider adult diapers because you might not make it. However, when you are sitting at your desk at 8am squirming in your seat, stomach is bumpin’ and you feel like you are crowning…a trip home is NOT going to happen. So as much as I hate to do so, I take a deep breath and make the walk to the bathroom.

Healthcare facilities are the scariest, dare I say notoriously disgusting places to get your business done. I used to work for the Public Health Department and I am glad that the lab I worked in had multiple facilities. On top of all of that, I worked in a restricted lab which had its own bathroom used by only a few folks. So needless to say I can go bomb in peace. (Bombing for peace, that’s like f*cking for virginity! Saw it on a T-shirt, can’t take credit…LOL)

Continuing with the healthcare theme, now my place of employment is a hospital and indeed I think this place is worse. What makes it bad is that the restrooms near my office is in a patient care area and are frequented by resident physicians. That hospital food coupled with the stress of them trying not to kill someone makes for the potential to walk into a restroom that has been “pre-blown up”. So on top of the fact that the person in front of you doesn’t understand the concept of courtesy flushing and there is no spray to be found you have to sit in funk to create more funk. And who puts raw ass on a public toilet seat anymore? I walked into one of these restrooms to take a leak and at the back of the seat was a small “remnant” from the last user. I am so glad that was after lunch, I was feeling a little queasy after that find!

One other place I think is not a good place for this is a bar. I will be the first to admit; I have NOT, hope NOT, and will NOT handle business in a bar. To make it worse, I am talking about a bar in a college town. You went to college; you know what goes on in college town bathrooms! You know folks are smacking it, flipping it and rubbing it down in addition to “normal” bathroom activities. Is it possible to wear an outbreak suit while doing your business? Yes, it would have to be GREATLY modified but I think you will be much better off using one.

Yeah, I admit that was a hell of a way to make a comeback. (DID YOU MISS ME!! LOL!!) You know you love it and you know you have a story to tell! Spill it! Just make sure you clean up afterwards! LOL!

An Open Letter to Michael Steele

Dear Mr. Steele,

Let me start this letter by stating plainly that I am NOT a Republican. Nor do I ever want to be. In fact, I have given express instructions to some of my friends to blow my brains out if I ever became a Republican. I think Black Republicans are the biggest sellouts and now that you are the head of the GOP, you have the dual burden of being the King of all Sellouts and Number one with a bullet on the Token List.

Yes...you are a Token, I guess you are the only one who hasn't figured this out! You think that the GOP has opened it's arms wide to embrace you as it's new leader. Well their thinking is simply this, America voted a black man to the White House so maybe we need some color to show America we are with it! What is wrong with that statement? The whitest most homeogenous political party on the planet wants to try to break the mold by electing you as it's chair....ha the jokes on you!!

You have NO power! I heard the interview and how you want to re-energize the GOP and give it "street cred". Hell, Ice Cube couldn't give the GOP "street cred", besides you aren't running this. All of the old heads (you know with the blue blood and white hair) are running this party, they get to parade you around as our "leader" so we can be cool, wack, booty...what is the lingo these "urban" kide these days?

The only thing I can give you any respect on was calling out Rush Limbaugh. I understand, it's hard to call out a fat, loudmouth white guy. It can be very intimidating, I understand because I went to school with alot of those types. But you stood your ground, you showed how you differed in philosophy and stated proudly that you lead the GOP (quietly you and I know different) but you made your point. Of course you knew that criticism would come, weather the storm and focus on your mission (of being the face of the party...ha ha ha) and that would get you through.

So why in the HELL did you apologize for what you said?!! You just got punked by Rush Limbaugh! Do you know how embarssing that is? That is like getting caught in a chase by a fat ass cop when all you had to do was slap his big ass and drop a doughnut...he HAS to make a decision!!!

With your apology, I think my point has been proven. As a minority in the GOP, you will always be subservient to the powers that be. Which always makes me scratch my head when I see you or Michelle Malkin or a myriad of other conservative heads who are in the minority in the conservative/GOP vein of thought. Where did it all go wrong? Why do you believe in the party and that they care so much about you? I understand having certain values but if you share values with a group of people who do like you, what's the point? You look like a freakin' minstrel, grab the tap shoes and sing for the man Mr. Steele. Bravo on your accomplishment, keep smilin and shufflin'!

I hear South Park is doing a broadway show, auditions for the part of Token have begun. I think you are a shoe-in for the part.

Try to keep it together, because you have NEVER kept it real!

Sincerely,

The Professor

Doing fine in 09!

Hey all, just a short post to let you know I am still alive in the 09. What a week huh, President Obama!!! WHOOOOO!!! Just keep the brotha in prayer as he begins a most difficult journey. I may have mentioned before that I have found myself actually writing poetry. I think I can actually write something decent. My partner in crime UniqPoet has been having poetry sets and a group of us have been sharing our work. I hadnt written anything in a while until last week. So here is the first work of 2009, hopefully there will be more (we shall see) as the spirit moves me. Comments please and more in-depth blogging to come in the 09!

Turn to your Neighbor

(An ode to Black Unity)

 

Turn to your neighbor

and make a fist

and bump them together

like Barack and Michelle

Say “Neighbor,

I wish you well

The Best of health,

prosperity and peace to you.

Neighbor, lets put down

the guns, the drugs

the hatred, jealousy

Lets shoot each other

with smiles, instead of 9s.

Lets stand up together

For our schools

our 40 acres

and a mule.

Lets stand up for our children

and their future

Stop ending each others futures

and start loving each other

in the present.

Neighbor, I don’t know you

But I turn to you

and ask for your forgiveness

The stress and strain

of 400 years of oppression

has turned me

away from you.

But here we are

face to face.

Lets turn back

away from one another

and stand together

united

For one another

 

WKG © 2009

 

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