30 days to 2010: What I am feeling today.

Just as 2009 rolled in with much rejoicing and revelry, the year ends and time marches ever forward. I awoke today (late) got my stuff together and left for the job. My mind reflected on so many things, I thought about a friend who has just recently suffered a loss and the words "Time Marches On" just echoed in my head. As I child, I never knew what 2009 would look like. Hell, I don't think I had any concept of time. When does one develop that concept? I think growing up, the seasons was my way of telling time. There were certain things I looked forward to, going to football games with my dad ushered in fall as summer drew to a close, snow and blizzards are my fondest memories of winter, the chill of winter gave way to a certain smell and warmth in the air as spring came back around and of course summer and the heat while playing in the street and walking everywhere! The things one does when you are young! It's like heat didn't affect me at all as I ran up and down a basketball court in the middle of the day with no shirt! Now I hate walking outside to my car when it's over 100 degrees!! Life is a funny thing like that.

This past thanksgiving was one of the best I have had in a while. My cousins who I grew up with and I were under the same roof for the first time in years for thanksgiving. We laughed and joked like we had never stopped celebrating thanksgiving together. It makes me appreciate going home more because we don't know how much time we truly have. We all hope and for 4 score in 20 (that's from the bible...do the math..LOL!) and it is truly a blessing when someone can live that long or beyond. And as I reflect on that, I think more and more about my parents knowing that one day they will not be with me and my brother anymore. But I am so THANKFUL for them now and always because of the influence they have had on my life. I don't think I would be who I am today without them doing all that they have done. There is a new chapter in my life that is unfolding and I feel like I am ready for it all because my parents have been such good role models in so many ways from them encouraging me, letting me know when I get out of line (you know what happened there) and just being good people. It is a shame that so many of our youth don't have good role models. I guess I am infurated when I see kids acting out and all they need is some discipline instead of a parent who wants to be their friend and compromise with them. My parents believed in the belt and I got it when it was needed. These days, you so much as say belt and the child care services are kicking in your door. That is a shame and a sin, we are doing are children a great disservice.

Today I reflect on all of those whose shoulders I stand on. Those who endured on my behalf so I could succeed and be a mentor and trailblazer for my nieces, cousins and all those coming after me. I want to be the best at all I am and will be and for that desire I owe so many whom I have thanked and those whom I have never met. Regardless, I know I can never thank them enough.

Stand Up

I dont believe that this is the first post for September, the damn month is almost over! I guess time flies when you are having fun (or getting your ass handed to you...which ever applies). I reached the 36 plateau a little over a week ago, time for introspection and thankfulness. Introspection about where I have been, what I have seen and experienced. It hasnt been a bad ride, I just know that it keeps getting better even when it seems like things arent. Thankfullness because there are so many of us who arent here and in reality they should be. As the saying goes: Do not regret getting old, many are denied the priviledge.

I had a chance to get home to see my folks, my brother and family. When I get home, I so miss the familiarity of place. Living in Charlottesville for almost 2.5 years, I know where some stuff is, but Hampton Roads is tattooed (figuratively) in my mind and on my heart and soul. Believe in the power of the 7!!! (757..STAND UP!!!). Ok, had to get that out..thank you for indulging even if you didnt have a clue what the hell I was talking about. Just go look it up on Wikipedia or something!! LOL! Things have changed so much, but they still have the same feel. Maybe I might not get back there anytime soon, but when (and if I get back) it is on like Donkey Kong!!! Believe that!

I went to church at my home parish and when I left, I saw folks in the neighborhood with Obama signs in their yards. This election, when you look at it has generated so much emotion, good and bad. So many African-Americans are excited about electing one of their own to the White House and will be at the polls to cast their vote on Nov. 4th. But what about those who just arent excited about this in any way, shape or form? You know what I am talking about, that friend or family member who says..."I dont vote, the government is going to do what it wants to do. My vote doesn't mean anything." I think it would be hard pressed for me to feel that way, being a student of history and the signifcance of what a vote means to me as a black man in America.

My parents were young adults during the Civil Rights Movement. Even before the change in law in this country began occuring, they told me first hand accounts of experiencing going downtown and not being able to use the restroom. Think about that, apply it to today's standard. You go to your favorite mall or shopping center and you cant use the facilities? Your money is good here, but our bathrooms are off-limits to you, denial of the simplest of amenities. Hearing that and knowing the history that occured made me so aware of what sacrifices people made and what others had to endure so I can go to the poll on Nov 4th and cast a vote. It really boggles my mind that our young people are so apolitical, their thoughts are that since we have "won" the civil right movement that everything is good and they dont have to keep fighting. Nothing could be further from the truth as we well know.

I am not saying that all of our young people feel this way. Remember the massive turnout in support of the Jena 6? I bet those rednecks never thought that they would have seen so many young black folks ever in life! But that is the point I am trying to make, why dont they show up in mass like that on election day? If we (unfortunately) subtract from the population the high numbers of our young who have been or are incarcerated, we have a voice that could potentially be one that could shake the political establishment.

Things are so much more open nowadays, but that does not mean that racism does not exist. Growing up when I did, about 20+ years after the Civil Rights Movement there was progress but I experienced overt and covert racism. Overt is of course obvious, covert is so hard to see and even harder to understand especially when you are young and believe that things are equal. Since that time, we have seen unprecendented events where African-Americans have risen to the heights of politics, business and other fields of endeavour. These accomplishments give us hope in the promise of America. However, when we refuse as a society (especially those in control of our society) to acknowledge that there are forces which still resist change, we remain stagnant and false hope is the message that is sent to our minority youth.

I dont have all the answers, I just know what I see. Hip-hop has declined into a quagmire of violence and mysogony which is seen by some as normal. I have never been one to blame any problem on music of any type, but it is not helping to motivate this generation politically or uplifting them. Music is an outlet, if someone has a tough life then what they expose themselves to should be inspiring them to something better and not inspriring them to engage in what seems to be "the good life"(being gangster, not wanting to advance oneself). Who do they turn to in order to see that positivity is beneficial, especially in a society where no matter what good may come, many will still believe that blackness is negative? I pray that on Nov 4th we decide that enough is enough and Obama's presence as a positive force will inspire us to elect him and inspire us to strive higher...onward and upward. Make like autumn and be cool!

Things just arent like they used to be...

With all that has gone on in my life in the last few years, I take the following saying very much to heart: "Do not regret growing old, many are denied the priviledge." I thank God everyday for another day, although I will admit that some days I am not as appreciative as I should be, mainly because I am focused on things that dont amount to a hill of beans. If we stop to reflect, there are some folks going through some real...and I mean REAL stuff that makes out complaints seem minute. Although I relish what I have and not take too much for granted, getting older does "hurt" a bit. I now have a bit of a gut, I need fiber in my diet and my hair looks better when it is cut very close to hide the obvious bald spot. Hell, I havent had waves in my hair since about 1989! I remember being a big, yet kind of trim guy...I was an athlete in high school and in college I played intramurals and worked out. Since that time getting out in the "real" world of work, sitting at a desk or lab bench has taken a bit of a toll on the kid. I keep saying to myself "I want my track body back" as I walk towards the freezer and scoop out some Vanilla Sandwich ice cream into a bowl. Yeah, it bad (BTW, that ice cream is awesome!) but I know what I need to do. Time is the enemy of all things, living and not. We know that we are on earth for a predestined time and every second, that time gets shorter. What do we have to do? We have to begin to appreciate and use every moment to our best ability...to treat our bodies well, to laugh with a friend, to hug your mom, dad, brother, niece, nephew, sister, to work towards a goal, to work not out of necessity but to work because it is what you truly want to do (and yes that is HARD to do). I have got some work to do on me and I started last night by pulling out my MCAT review book and making one last attempt to try to get into med school. I think that I have made peace with the possibility that I may not achieve that goal but instead I have to, if necessary direct my energy towards finding that job that I skip to everyday because I love it so much. And so it begins, a new journey to another place in my life while there is still ample strength in my body and mind knowing that time is drawing up. I look forward to all that is in front of me and not dwelling on what I leave behind.