Authors Note: The title is EXACTLY what you think I am going to talk about. Proceed at your own risk.
I hate taking a crap at work. At my last job, I hated it so much I would go to another building so I could have some privacy and blow up a spot where no one knew me. Since we didn’t have faculty/staff bathrooms and had to use the same facilities as the students, I didn’t want my business to be public record with my students. There were a few times where I would time it, like I knew when students would (or should be) in classes or they were not on campus. Sounds silly I know but you are talking to a guy who at home, if it gets real good while I am in the confines of my home facility will get butt naked. So I take the comfort and privacy thing to a whole new level…at home! Don’t get it twisted, hell when using a public facility, you barely want your clothes to touch anything let alone you butt to a toilet papered seat! When it is 5pm and you live in a town as small as mine, the trip home to take care of business is not as daunting as compared to rush hour in D.C. If you hold it in D.C. and hit that rush hour traffic, you may want to consider adult diapers because you might not make it. However, when you are sitting at your desk at 8am squirming in your seat, stomach is bumpin’ and you feel like you are crowning…a trip home is NOT going to happen. So as much as I hate to do so, I take a deep breath and make the walk to the bathroom.
Healthcare facilities are the scariest, dare I say notoriously disgusting places to get your business done. I used to work for the Public Health Department and I am glad that the lab I worked in had multiple facilities. On top of all of that, I worked in a restricted lab which had its own bathroom used by only a few folks. So needless to say I can go bomb in peace. (Bombing for peace, that’s like f*cking for virginity! Saw it on a T-shirt, can’t take credit…LOL)
Continuing with the healthcare theme, now my place of employment is a hospital and indeed I think this place is worse. What makes it bad is that the restrooms near my office is in a patient care area and are frequented by resident physicians. That hospital food coupled with the stress of them trying not to kill someone makes for the potential to walk into a restroom that has been “pre-blown up”. So on top of the fact that the person in front of you doesn’t understand the concept of courtesy flushing and there is no spray to be found you have to sit in funk to create more funk. And who puts raw ass on a public toilet seat anymore? I walked into one of these restrooms to take a leak and at the back of the seat was a small “remnant” from the last user. I am so glad that was after lunch, I was feeling a little queasy after that find!
One other place I think is not a good place for this is a bar. I will be the first to admit; I have NOT, hope NOT, and will NOT handle business in a bar. To make it worse, I am talking about a bar in a college town. You went to college; you know what goes on in college town bathrooms! You know folks are smacking it, flipping it and rubbing it down in addition to “normal” bathroom activities. Is it possible to wear an outbreak suit while doing your business? Yes, it would have to be GREATLY modified but I think you will be much better off using one.
Yeah, I admit that was a hell of a way to make a comeback. (DID YOU MISS ME!! LOL!!) You know you love it and you know you have a story to tell! Spill it! Just make sure you clean up afterwards! LOL!
