Special Edition of Kill Ya Self...Sarah Palin COME ON DOWN!!!

I can't believe that it took this long for a Kill Yourself for this stupid ass but here it is! Now I could have given her a kill yourself shout out during the election but hey she was running for office. All I could do was shake my head and wonder what the hell McCain was thinking! (Just like the rest of America) She said dumb stuff everyday but still nothing from me. Now the election has come and gone and she is still here...but I let that go because I thought the majority of attention was coming from FOX News. All of their anchors have been to Alaska at least once a piece to interview her post-election to see how things were going and I guess to see if she really could see Russia from her house!

Just when you thought it was safe to turn on the TV and not see her ass, she is beefing with David Letterman! David Letterman? So you are pissed off about what Letterman says was a comment about your oldest daughter? Now whether it was about the younger or older, Letterman admitted his mistake and moved on. Did Gov. Palin move on...oh no! Instead she got huffy with Matt Lauer about the comments and will not back down. The man apologized, what the hell more do you want! Plus you are mad at a man who makes his living joking on folks who are famous and/or in the spotlight! That's like arguing with a drunk person, who's the fool you or the drunk person. This is just Sarah Palin holding on to that last scrap of spotlight until 2012 when GOD help us you decide to stay your ass home and don't run...or...hell run! There are folks who will vote for you but there are more who see you as a dizzy ass politician with no clue about well, anything.

Sarah Palin, go home please! Oh and by the way...KILL YOURSELF!

Fried Green Slavery

Am I the only person who finds the show "Down Home with the Neely's" the 21st century's Amos and Andy? I mean really, it is bad enough that these two have too many TMI moments for a 30 minute show but damn do you also have to be or "act" that country on TV? I really dont need to see these two damn near having sex or spanking each other with kitchen tools. This may be the closest I have ever come to food porn!

My gf likes to watch to see how bad the cooning gets, sort of a can we top the WB frog this week! Now you may think I am dogging them out but it is not unecessarily, watch the show and tell me if you think they are a bit over the top with the coonery. Tell you what, watch an episode where it is just them (maybe some of their family may stop by) then compare it to the episode where they invited some of the cast of "House of Payne" and then you decide. I am not going to tell you what to expect but lets just say you may need earplugs and a NAACP rally to restore your dignity.

Food Network is slipping hard, their lack of reputable chefs to fill their show slots is clearly obvious after you watch this show. After Emeril and Mario Batali left, there aren't too many "chefs" on this network anymore. In fact, "The Next Food Network Star" is their new farm system. The winners of this show (Guy Fieri and "Big Daddy"...don't know the brotha's name) are the beneficiaries of winning and gaining a slot on the network. How bad is Food Network they can't get one big name chef to cook on their network for at least 30 minutes once a week. Hell, Emeril got an hour 4 nights a week, ran a handful of restaurants and put that network on the map!

Current lineup:

Tyler Florence: I like what he cooks but his show is called the "Ultimate" whatever he is cooking. I think he was an English major in college, he uses a WIDE variety of adjectives to describe what he is cooking. That is the only thing annoying about him. (3.5 stars out of 5)

Ina Garten ("The Barefoot Contessa): I love this woman, her food is simple and she has personality. As much as I hate to admit it, she is kind of pretentious but who cares! (4 stars out of 5)

Sandra Lee: I hate her tablescapes, matching outfits and her "semi home made" approach to cooking. She is influencing a new group of anti-cooks. I wonder who she blew to get her show? (1 star out of 5)

Bobby Flay: This guy's a dick and he thinks the cooking world revolves around him. (2 stars out of 5)

Rachael Ray: Annoying, Annoying, Annoying! She says EVOO one more time, I swear!!! Her combinations are TERRIBLE! (2 stars out of 5)

Sunny Anderson: The horrible weave, nervous laugh and lack of kitchen skills make her the black version of Rachael Ray (2 stars out of 5)

That is only a few, the only question I have is what the hell happened to Daisy Martinez? I saw two episodes and gone! They need more folks like her on Food Network. Maybe she saw the writing on the wall and went back to PBS. Damn!!!

Spirit of Doo Doo

Authors Note: The title is EXACTLY what you think I am going to talk about. Proceed at your own risk.

I hate taking a crap at work. At my last job, I hated it so much I would go to another building so I could have some privacy and blow up a spot where no one knew me. Since we didn’t have faculty/staff bathrooms and had to use the same facilities as the students, I didn’t want my business to be public record with my students. There were a few times where I would time it, like I knew when students would (or should be) in classes or they were not on campus. Sounds silly I know but you are talking to a guy who at home, if it gets real good while I am in the confines of my home facility will get butt naked. So I take the comfort and privacy thing to a whole new level…at home! Don’t get it twisted, hell when using a public facility, you barely want your clothes to touch anything let alone you butt to a toilet papered seat! When it is 5pm and you live in a town as small as mine, the trip home to take care of business is not as daunting as compared to rush hour in D.C. If you hold it in D.C. and hit that rush hour traffic, you may want to consider adult diapers because you might not make it. However, when you are sitting at your desk at 8am squirming in your seat, stomach is bumpin’ and you feel like you are crowning…a trip home is NOT going to happen. So as much as I hate to do so, I take a deep breath and make the walk to the bathroom.

Healthcare facilities are the scariest, dare I say notoriously disgusting places to get your business done. I used to work for the Public Health Department and I am glad that the lab I worked in had multiple facilities. On top of all of that, I worked in a restricted lab which had its own bathroom used by only a few folks. So needless to say I can go bomb in peace. (Bombing for peace, that’s like f*cking for virginity! Saw it on a T-shirt, can’t take credit…LOL)

Continuing with the healthcare theme, now my place of employment is a hospital and indeed I think this place is worse. What makes it bad is that the restrooms near my office is in a patient care area and are frequented by resident physicians. That hospital food coupled with the stress of them trying not to kill someone makes for the potential to walk into a restroom that has been “pre-blown up”. So on top of the fact that the person in front of you doesn’t understand the concept of courtesy flushing and there is no spray to be found you have to sit in funk to create more funk. And who puts raw ass on a public toilet seat anymore? I walked into one of these restrooms to take a leak and at the back of the seat was a small “remnant” from the last user. I am so glad that was after lunch, I was feeling a little queasy after that find!

One other place I think is not a good place for this is a bar. I will be the first to admit; I have NOT, hope NOT, and will NOT handle business in a bar. To make it worse, I am talking about a bar in a college town. You went to college; you know what goes on in college town bathrooms! You know folks are smacking it, flipping it and rubbing it down in addition to “normal” bathroom activities. Is it possible to wear an outbreak suit while doing your business? Yes, it would have to be GREATLY modified but I think you will be much better off using one.

Yeah, I admit that was a hell of a way to make a comeback. (DID YOU MISS ME!! LOL!!) You know you love it and you know you have a story to tell! Spill it! Just make sure you clean up afterwards! LOL!

An Open Letter to Michael Steele

Dear Mr. Steele,

Let me start this letter by stating plainly that I am NOT a Republican. Nor do I ever want to be. In fact, I have given express instructions to some of my friends to blow my brains out if I ever became a Republican. I think Black Republicans are the biggest sellouts and now that you are the head of the GOP, you have the dual burden of being the King of all Sellouts and Number one with a bullet on the Token List.

Yes...you are a Token, I guess you are the only one who hasn't figured this out! You think that the GOP has opened it's arms wide to embrace you as it's new leader. Well their thinking is simply this, America voted a black man to the White House so maybe we need some color to show America we are with it! What is wrong with that statement? The whitest most homeogenous political party on the planet wants to try to break the mold by electing you as it's chair....ha the jokes on you!!

You have NO power! I heard the interview and how you want to re-energize the GOP and give it "street cred". Hell, Ice Cube couldn't give the GOP "street cred", besides you aren't running this. All of the old heads (you know with the blue blood and white hair) are running this party, they get to parade you around as our "leader" so we can be cool, wack, booty...what is the lingo these "urban" kide these days?

The only thing I can give you any respect on was calling out Rush Limbaugh. I understand, it's hard to call out a fat, loudmouth white guy. It can be very intimidating, I understand because I went to school with alot of those types. But you stood your ground, you showed how you differed in philosophy and stated proudly that you lead the GOP (quietly you and I know different) but you made your point. Of course you knew that criticism would come, weather the storm and focus on your mission (of being the face of the party...ha ha ha) and that would get you through.

So why in the HELL did you apologize for what you said?!! You just got punked by Rush Limbaugh! Do you know how embarssing that is? That is like getting caught in a chase by a fat ass cop when all you had to do was slap his big ass and drop a doughnut...he HAS to make a decision!!!

With your apology, I think my point has been proven. As a minority in the GOP, you will always be subservient to the powers that be. Which always makes me scratch my head when I see you or Michelle Malkin or a myriad of other conservative heads who are in the minority in the conservative/GOP vein of thought. Where did it all go wrong? Why do you believe in the party and that they care so much about you? I understand having certain values but if you share values with a group of people who do like you, what's the point? You look like a freakin' minstrel, grab the tap shoes and sing for the man Mr. Steele. Bravo on your accomplishment, keep smilin and shufflin'!

I hear South Park is doing a broadway show, auditions for the part of Token have begun. I think you are a shoe-in for the part.

Try to keep it together, because you have NEVER kept it real!

Sincerely,

The Professor

Doing fine in 09!

Hey all, just a short post to let you know I am still alive in the 09. What a week huh, President Obama!!! WHOOOOO!!! Just keep the brotha in prayer as he begins a most difficult journey. I may have mentioned before that I have found myself actually writing poetry. I think I can actually write something decent. My partner in crime UniqPoet has been having poetry sets and a group of us have been sharing our work. I hadnt written anything in a while until last week. So here is the first work of 2009, hopefully there will be more (we shall see) as the spirit moves me. Comments please and more in-depth blogging to come in the 09!

Turn to your Neighbor

(An ode to Black Unity)

 

Turn to your neighbor

and make a fist

and bump them together

like Barack and Michelle

Say “Neighbor,

I wish you well

The Best of health,

prosperity and peace to you.

Neighbor, lets put down

the guns, the drugs

the hatred, jealousy

Lets shoot each other

with smiles, instead of 9s.

Lets stand up together

For our schools

our 40 acres

and a mule.

Lets stand up for our children

and their future

Stop ending each others futures

and start loving each other

in the present.

Neighbor, I don’t know you

But I turn to you

and ask for your forgiveness

The stress and strain

of 400 years of oppression

has turned me

away from you.

But here we are

face to face.

Lets turn back

away from one another

and stand together

united

For one another

 

WKG © 2009

 

Want more? Visit www.thesepoemssuck.com

Random Bulls*it

It’s official, the world is ending. How do I know? Lil Wayne got EIGHT, count them EIGHT (use your toes if you have to) Grammy nominations! How the f*ck does Lil Wayne get EIGHT Grammy nominations?! That’s like Treach from Naughty by Nature getting 4 Oscar Nominations! Lil Wayne cant wrap a gift, let alone rap! He is no lyricist, by any stretch. Hell, Shaq could take him down with Sometimes I rhyme slow/Sometimes I rhyme quick/Wake up every morning /Shave my head with Bic! Are you serious! I thought the Latin Grammys was a train wreck, the regular Grammys is like a plane crashing into the train wreck next to the dynamite factory! The Grammys is now for the teeny boppers (Jonas Brothers, Myley Cyrus) and the untalented. There are no good music award shows anymore. American Music Awards may just be called the poor man’s Grammys, the public votes for that! And if the public loves Lil Wayne, you know the AMA’s will vote for anybody as Artist of the Year!

Does anyone find Sarah Silverman funny? I know there are people who do, she has a show on Comedy Central and it appears to be popular. There are comedians who take you to the edge, dangle you and pull you back, this chick jumps off the cliff, takes you with her and hopes she doesn’t bust her ass and yours in the process! I have tried to like her but she is outrageous with the crazy ass s*it that she says. I wonder what is the appeal of her comedy?

You can file this under “Couldn’t give a frog’s fat ass” but it appears that Al Reynolds (you know, formerly married to Star “I didn’t get my stomach stapled” Jones) is in a new relationship. Awww…boo who gives a s*it! Let me ask you, before his marriage did you know who the f*ck this guy was? If you did, let me know because the fact of his new relationship is in the news is continued proof that the world revolves around insignificant people and their insignificant lives talking about stuff that we can’t and probably don’t want to relate to.

You could file this one as well, I follow golf from time to time. I like watching the major tournaments, Ryder Cup (when the US plays against Europe) and I am trying to get back into some sort of playing shape. I was reading about Michelle Wie, the 19 year old phenom who’s career has hit a LONG skid. It is unfortunate when someone so young is pushed into the spotlight and they are not ready to deliver on their promise. She attended Stanford for a year before turning pro. After that, it was all a downhill series of royal blunders and f*ck ups. Most can be attributed to decision making by her as a player and some by bad advice from her parents. You have to wonder about kids in situations like this, they are getting pushed to be the best, sometimes before their appointed time. Add to that parents who want to remain in control, so much so that they don’t give their child good advice. This is probably due to being so caught up in the moment, thinking about all that paper the kid could make by hitting a small white ball while wearing REALLY loud clothing.

You ever meet someone on your job that you may not know so well and ask them what they do and they reply “Special Projects”. What the hell does that really mean? For all you know, they probably sit at their desk on the internet all day, chronically masturbating. Or worse, that person is like a trained assassin or something. What does a realty need an assassin for? Oh whatever, that was clearly off the top of my head via my ass. The “Special Projects” person is the one you really need to keep your eye on….don’t set your drink down near them at the company party. You don’t know where their hands have been or their new special project is to eliminate you….

Now that was REALLY random!!!

Are You Old School?

Who remembers that slogan a few years back when Classic Sports debuted on cable? I think that is a very applicable slogan in this day and age when so much is way different than one remembers. As of late, I have been spending a lot of time on YouTube since I can’t find a lot of old school music on iTunes. Talk about a walk down memory lane, some of those songs and videos took me BACK!!!

What qualifies you to be or what makes you old school? What does it mean to you to be old school?