Awkward Moments: Partying amongst Frienemies

I rarely have awkward moments at parties. When I arrive I see friends have lots of laughs and just chill. With all of that going on, where is there room for an awkward moment? Are you the person who is cool with everyone but the folks in the circle that you in have their interpersonal squabbles that makes your good relationships awkward? I never understood how that came about for me, I like to think I could get along with just about anyone and if I had a problem with someone I would either address the issue (most likely scenario) or just not associate myself with you (last resort either because the person has pissed me off or is a complete d-bag or biatch).

Last night I went a xmas party hosted by friends at their home. It was a good night for a xmas party, it was cold, the first snow of the season had fallen during the day and it just felt like a great Saturday night thing to do. As soon as I walked in, I scanned the room and there were folks congregating in different areas talking, dancing and drinking. Sounds like a good party, yes. But then something struck me as odd, like a tension but I ignored for a hot second as I saw a friend I had not seen in a while and then that feeling of tension came back. I realized that she was friends with me and had been associated with some of the other folks at the party but each party was at opposite ends of the room. We chatted for a few but at that point the die had been cast, things were officially awkward.

I hate feeling like this, kind of being the buffer amongst folks who aren't necessarily cool with each other. What's even more strange is when I am engaged in a conversation in short distance from the frienemy and my attention span splits between the conversation and observing the reaction of the other person and the resulting awkwardness from that situation. In work situations where this has happened, I have walked away hands in the air and hoping that the two opposite parties either figure it out or kill each other. Either way, I am no longer in the middle of your war!!!

Anyone have this problem, always feeling like you are constantly in the middle?

30 days to 2010: What I am feeling today.

Just as 2009 rolled in with much rejoicing and revelry, the year ends and time marches ever forward. I awoke today (late) got my stuff together and left for the job. My mind reflected on so many things, I thought about a friend who has just recently suffered a loss and the words "Time Marches On" just echoed in my head. As I child, I never knew what 2009 would look like. Hell, I don't think I had any concept of time. When does one develop that concept? I think growing up, the seasons was my way of telling time. There were certain things I looked forward to, going to football games with my dad ushered in fall as summer drew to a close, snow and blizzards are my fondest memories of winter, the chill of winter gave way to a certain smell and warmth in the air as spring came back around and of course summer and the heat while playing in the street and walking everywhere! The things one does when you are young! It's like heat didn't affect me at all as I ran up and down a basketball court in the middle of the day with no shirt! Now I hate walking outside to my car when it's over 100 degrees!! Life is a funny thing like that.

This past thanksgiving was one of the best I have had in a while. My cousins who I grew up with and I were under the same roof for the first time in years for thanksgiving. We laughed and joked like we had never stopped celebrating thanksgiving together. It makes me appreciate going home more because we don't know how much time we truly have. We all hope and for 4 score in 20 (that's from the bible...do the math..LOL!) and it is truly a blessing when someone can live that long or beyond. And as I reflect on that, I think more and more about my parents knowing that one day they will not be with me and my brother anymore. But I am so THANKFUL for them now and always because of the influence they have had on my life. I don't think I would be who I am today without them doing all that they have done. There is a new chapter in my life that is unfolding and I feel like I am ready for it all because my parents have been such good role models in so many ways from them encouraging me, letting me know when I get out of line (you know what happened there) and just being good people. It is a shame that so many of our youth don't have good role models. I guess I am infurated when I see kids acting out and all they need is some discipline instead of a parent who wants to be their friend and compromise with them. My parents believed in the belt and I got it when it was needed. These days, you so much as say belt and the child care services are kicking in your door. That is a shame and a sin, we are doing are children a great disservice.

Today I reflect on all of those whose shoulders I stand on. Those who endured on my behalf so I could succeed and be a mentor and trailblazer for my nieces, cousins and all those coming after me. I want to be the best at all I am and will be and for that desire I owe so many whom I have thanked and those whom I have never met. Regardless, I know I can never thank them enough.

Life is happening...as if we needed a reminder!

I find the transition points of life to be the same in many respects in the lives of those around me. As I think back, I remember how High School was. You had your crew that you were tight with and all of the misadventures that you had. I take the term misadventure and draw it out a bit more to say I thank God I am still alive to tell some of those stories and to say...Dont be stupid! When I left HS, I kept up with my crew and other good friends while making a whole new gang of friends. Although I didnt live on campus, I had some great times and I think who I surrounded myself with made all of the difference. When I graduated, I started to see the changes in my friend connections. Around 22-24 we all went our own way, moving on to new jobs, adventures, marriages, family etc. That was very hard to deal with, knowing that folks you were mad cool with and were always there were just now there in spirit. What remained were memories and the places you went brought back the fun and the misadventures. Grad school brought a new set of cool peeps, but not the closeness that I was used to because grad school is so fleeting. You blink and it is over, time to move to your next challenge, achieve that next goal. At that time, I could see the changes in family as well as in friend ties. I lost a friend and a couple of family members in a short period of time while I saw those grad school ties severed as we all went our merry way. As these peaks and valleys come to us, we deal with them in our own way. At first, it was hard for me to say goodbye to my friends in my 20s, it is never any easier in my 30s but I realize over time that it is a part of "life is happening" and it is happening every day. Being here in the A.C., I have made some good ties but now as another cycle occurs, some of those ties are unraveling. Many go their way, others make changes to their lives. Sometimes I feel like in the midst of so much change, I am standing still. I know the plans I have for me and I have to yield to God's plan but I often have the weird feeling that life is passing me by in some respects. Maybe I am paranoid and maybe I should take the cue to go forward and kick ass like I have never kicked ass to get to where I need to be next not forgetting that I am where I am for a reason and until I accomplish what needs to be done at this level, the next cannot be fully realized.