Where in the World is Shabba Ranks?

Note: This is a repost with an update (Some old and new here). Read, laugh, whatever. Be easy.

Yeah, I know the picture probably scared the shit out of you but as I was flipping through my iTunes I was thinking where the hell is Shabba Ranks? (aka Mr. Ugly Man) I must admit, he had a few of the hot jams back in the day (Mr. Loverman, Ting a Ling, Housecall with Maxi Priest) but then there area few songs which make me think he definetly had to work to get it (Bedroom Bully, Pay Down Pon it, Muscle Grip and Telephone Love). Has there been any Shabba sightings? Are there still people with eyes after that sighting?

Update: I was in Maryland this past summer and Shabba was in DC making a club appearance. His radio inteview was very interesting simply because I still couldn't understand a damn word he was saying. Shabba is still making the rounds it appears, glistnin' with baby oil, singin and scaring the s*it out of folks. Thanks for all you do Shabba!

End of the Decade, What did I learn?

Time to wind down 2009 and ease onto 2010 and hey wouldn't you know it, the 1st decade of the 21st Century is over! Who knew? How time flies, weren't we just selling off the surplus food and emergency supplies from Y2K on ebay not too long ago? So much has happened from 2000 until now, so much history made (good and bad) which leaves us wondering what the future will hold as we are still in uncertain times in so many ways. So what did I learn this decade:

1. Tiger Woods should have stayed single.

His father told him at one time, don't get married! I think those words are echoing in his head more and more these days as he looks for a divorce lawyer. You can really argue that the way he went about his infidelity was all on him and you could also say he should have kept it in his pants. Either way what I know about parents is that they know their children. Earl Woods knew his son would be out there either way so it would have probably been best for all involved that he had not married his wife and he could get all of the kinky sex he wanted with chicks I wouldn't f*ck with your d*ck.

2. Post-Racial is complete Bulls*it:

Obama gets elected and a new low for politics is set. Now you have tea parties, birthers, FOX News and racist whack jobs all rising out of the wood work to incite fear. How do you think the President, himself a Constitutional lawyer can take your guns away? Were you absent from school the day they taught government? He can't do s*it without Congress having some say on it! America did show that we could and together in tough times and elect a black man to our nation's highest office. But to say that racism as we know it is over because of that is a lie in opinion simply because I have seen a great disrespect for the office since Obama assumed it and no one has had an awakening to end any type of racial strife. There is a long way to go to truly get to Post-Racial, I hope that I will be around to experience that day.

3. I'm not sure we are all that safe:

Just when you thought we were getting a bit better on the homefront in terms of airline and anti-terror security, all of the stuff pops off during Christmas on the flights from Amsterdam to Detroit. Many would argue that all that was done post 9/11 was not effective as now we have to wade through long lines of security checks to get on a plane and not being sure that air marshals are on every flight (albeit your flight). I partially agree but I am not sure what could be done any differently or any better. Knowing the threat helps and intelligence is sometimes either dated or late, on time intelligence is a rare thing IMHO. All we can do is be more vigilant as we travel and in our personal lives. Prayer doesn't hurt either!

4. Entertainers don't exist anymore:

We have plenty of "celebrities" but very few (if any) are entertainers. Celebrity is being bestowed on any random mofo who has a sex tape, date-me reality show or attempts to sing, rap or dance. Music as an art form has been relegated to a secondary position as record conglomerates continually cram cookie cutter hip-hop, R&B and American Idol winners down our throat. You don't actually need talent, just look pretty, wear something tight and scream really loud over this Swizz Beats track. (Sound familar? Insert name of just about any singer here). We miss Michael Jackson!!!!

It's not all bad, this has overall been a good decade. For me, love is here to stay and I am blessed with family and good friends. Things have been good and I am hoping that things will get better not only for me but for you, yours and all of us. Be easy and Happy New Year! Look for more entries and some blog rewinds as I celebrate the coming of 2010. I dare not blog drunk...

30 days to 2010: What I am feeling today.

Just as 2009 rolled in with much rejoicing and revelry, the year ends and time marches ever forward. I awoke today (late) got my stuff together and left for the job. My mind reflected on so many things, I thought about a friend who has just recently suffered a loss and the words "Time Marches On" just echoed in my head. As I child, I never knew what 2009 would look like. Hell, I don't think I had any concept of time. When does one develop that concept? I think growing up, the seasons was my way of telling time. There were certain things I looked forward to, going to football games with my dad ushered in fall as summer drew to a close, snow and blizzards are my fondest memories of winter, the chill of winter gave way to a certain smell and warmth in the air as spring came back around and of course summer and the heat while playing in the street and walking everywhere! The things one does when you are young! It's like heat didn't affect me at all as I ran up and down a basketball court in the middle of the day with no shirt! Now I hate walking outside to my car when it's over 100 degrees!! Life is a funny thing like that.

This past thanksgiving was one of the best I have had in a while. My cousins who I grew up with and I were under the same roof for the first time in years for thanksgiving. We laughed and joked like we had never stopped celebrating thanksgiving together. It makes me appreciate going home more because we don't know how much time we truly have. We all hope and for 4 score in 20 (that's from the bible...do the math..LOL!) and it is truly a blessing when someone can live that long or beyond. And as I reflect on that, I think more and more about my parents knowing that one day they will not be with me and my brother anymore. But I am so THANKFUL for them now and always because of the influence they have had on my life. I don't think I would be who I am today without them doing all that they have done. There is a new chapter in my life that is unfolding and I feel like I am ready for it all because my parents have been such good role models in so many ways from them encouraging me, letting me know when I get out of line (you know what happened there) and just being good people. It is a shame that so many of our youth don't have good role models. I guess I am infurated when I see kids acting out and all they need is some discipline instead of a parent who wants to be their friend and compromise with them. My parents believed in the belt and I got it when it was needed. These days, you so much as say belt and the child care services are kicking in your door. That is a shame and a sin, we are doing are children a great disservice.

Today I reflect on all of those whose shoulders I stand on. Those who endured on my behalf so I could succeed and be a mentor and trailblazer for my nieces, cousins and all those coming after me. I want to be the best at all I am and will be and for that desire I owe so many whom I have thanked and those whom I have never met. Regardless, I know I can never thank them enough.

Fried Green Slavery

Am I the only person who finds the show "Down Home with the Neely's" the 21st century's Amos and Andy? I mean really, it is bad enough that these two have too many TMI moments for a 30 minute show but damn do you also have to be or "act" that country on TV? I really dont need to see these two damn near having sex or spanking each other with kitchen tools. This may be the closest I have ever come to food porn!

My gf likes to watch to see how bad the cooning gets, sort of a can we top the WB frog this week! Now you may think I am dogging them out but it is not unecessarily, watch the show and tell me if you think they are a bit over the top with the coonery. Tell you what, watch an episode where it is just them (maybe some of their family may stop by) then compare it to the episode where they invited some of the cast of "House of Payne" and then you decide. I am not going to tell you what to expect but lets just say you may need earplugs and a NAACP rally to restore your dignity.

Food Network is slipping hard, their lack of reputable chefs to fill their show slots is clearly obvious after you watch this show. After Emeril and Mario Batali left, there aren't too many "chefs" on this network anymore. In fact, "The Next Food Network Star" is their new farm system. The winners of this show (Guy Fieri and "Big Daddy"...don't know the brotha's name) are the beneficiaries of winning and gaining a slot on the network. How bad is Food Network they can't get one big name chef to cook on their network for at least 30 minutes once a week. Hell, Emeril got an hour 4 nights a week, ran a handful of restaurants and put that network on the map!

Current lineup:

Tyler Florence: I like what he cooks but his show is called the "Ultimate" whatever he is cooking. I think he was an English major in college, he uses a WIDE variety of adjectives to describe what he is cooking. That is the only thing annoying about him. (3.5 stars out of 5)

Ina Garten ("The Barefoot Contessa): I love this woman, her food is simple and she has personality. As much as I hate to admit it, she is kind of pretentious but who cares! (4 stars out of 5)

Sandra Lee: I hate her tablescapes, matching outfits and her "semi home made" approach to cooking. She is influencing a new group of anti-cooks. I wonder who she blew to get her show? (1 star out of 5)

Bobby Flay: This guy's a dick and he thinks the cooking world revolves around him. (2 stars out of 5)

Rachael Ray: Annoying, Annoying, Annoying! She says EVOO one more time, I swear!!! Her combinations are TERRIBLE! (2 stars out of 5)

Sunny Anderson: The horrible weave, nervous laugh and lack of kitchen skills make her the black version of Rachael Ray (2 stars out of 5)

That is only a few, the only question I have is what the hell happened to Daisy Martinez? I saw two episodes and gone! They need more folks like her on Food Network. Maybe she saw the writing on the wall and went back to PBS. Damn!!!

Spirit of Doo Doo

Authors Note: The title is EXACTLY what you think I am going to talk about. Proceed at your own risk.

I hate taking a crap at work. At my last job, I hated it so much I would go to another building so I could have some privacy and blow up a spot where no one knew me. Since we didn’t have faculty/staff bathrooms and had to use the same facilities as the students, I didn’t want my business to be public record with my students. There were a few times where I would time it, like I knew when students would (or should be) in classes or they were not on campus. Sounds silly I know but you are talking to a guy who at home, if it gets real good while I am in the confines of my home facility will get butt naked. So I take the comfort and privacy thing to a whole new level…at home! Don’t get it twisted, hell when using a public facility, you barely want your clothes to touch anything let alone you butt to a toilet papered seat! When it is 5pm and you live in a town as small as mine, the trip home to take care of business is not as daunting as compared to rush hour in D.C. If you hold it in D.C. and hit that rush hour traffic, you may want to consider adult diapers because you might not make it. However, when you are sitting at your desk at 8am squirming in your seat, stomach is bumpin’ and you feel like you are crowning…a trip home is NOT going to happen. So as much as I hate to do so, I take a deep breath and make the walk to the bathroom.

Healthcare facilities are the scariest, dare I say notoriously disgusting places to get your business done. I used to work for the Public Health Department and I am glad that the lab I worked in had multiple facilities. On top of all of that, I worked in a restricted lab which had its own bathroom used by only a few folks. So needless to say I can go bomb in peace. (Bombing for peace, that’s like f*cking for virginity! Saw it on a T-shirt, can’t take credit…LOL)

Continuing with the healthcare theme, now my place of employment is a hospital and indeed I think this place is worse. What makes it bad is that the restrooms near my office is in a patient care area and are frequented by resident physicians. That hospital food coupled with the stress of them trying not to kill someone makes for the potential to walk into a restroom that has been “pre-blown up”. So on top of the fact that the person in front of you doesn’t understand the concept of courtesy flushing and there is no spray to be found you have to sit in funk to create more funk. And who puts raw ass on a public toilet seat anymore? I walked into one of these restrooms to take a leak and at the back of the seat was a small “remnant” from the last user. I am so glad that was after lunch, I was feeling a little queasy after that find!

One other place I think is not a good place for this is a bar. I will be the first to admit; I have NOT, hope NOT, and will NOT handle business in a bar. To make it worse, I am talking about a bar in a college town. You went to college; you know what goes on in college town bathrooms! You know folks are smacking it, flipping it and rubbing it down in addition to “normal” bathroom activities. Is it possible to wear an outbreak suit while doing your business? Yes, it would have to be GREATLY modified but I think you will be much better off using one.

Yeah, I admit that was a hell of a way to make a comeback. (DID YOU MISS ME!! LOL!!) You know you love it and you know you have a story to tell! Spill it! Just make sure you clean up afterwards! LOL!

Random Bulls*it

It’s official, the world is ending. How do I know? Lil Wayne got EIGHT, count them EIGHT (use your toes if you have to) Grammy nominations! How the f*ck does Lil Wayne get EIGHT Grammy nominations?! That’s like Treach from Naughty by Nature getting 4 Oscar Nominations! Lil Wayne cant wrap a gift, let alone rap! He is no lyricist, by any stretch. Hell, Shaq could take him down with Sometimes I rhyme slow/Sometimes I rhyme quick/Wake up every morning /Shave my head with Bic! Are you serious! I thought the Latin Grammys was a train wreck, the regular Grammys is like a plane crashing into the train wreck next to the dynamite factory! The Grammys is now for the teeny boppers (Jonas Brothers, Myley Cyrus) and the untalented. There are no good music award shows anymore. American Music Awards may just be called the poor man’s Grammys, the public votes for that! And if the public loves Lil Wayne, you know the AMA’s will vote for anybody as Artist of the Year!

Does anyone find Sarah Silverman funny? I know there are people who do, she has a show on Comedy Central and it appears to be popular. There are comedians who take you to the edge, dangle you and pull you back, this chick jumps off the cliff, takes you with her and hopes she doesn’t bust her ass and yours in the process! I have tried to like her but she is outrageous with the crazy ass s*it that she says. I wonder what is the appeal of her comedy?

You can file this under “Couldn’t give a frog’s fat ass” but it appears that Al Reynolds (you know, formerly married to Star “I didn’t get my stomach stapled” Jones) is in a new relationship. Awww…boo who gives a s*it! Let me ask you, before his marriage did you know who the f*ck this guy was? If you did, let me know because the fact of his new relationship is in the news is continued proof that the world revolves around insignificant people and their insignificant lives talking about stuff that we can’t and probably don’t want to relate to.

You could file this one as well, I follow golf from time to time. I like watching the major tournaments, Ryder Cup (when the US plays against Europe) and I am trying to get back into some sort of playing shape. I was reading about Michelle Wie, the 19 year old phenom who’s career has hit a LONG skid. It is unfortunate when someone so young is pushed into the spotlight and they are not ready to deliver on their promise. She attended Stanford for a year before turning pro. After that, it was all a downhill series of royal blunders and f*ck ups. Most can be attributed to decision making by her as a player and some by bad advice from her parents. You have to wonder about kids in situations like this, they are getting pushed to be the best, sometimes before their appointed time. Add to that parents who want to remain in control, so much so that they don’t give their child good advice. This is probably due to being so caught up in the moment, thinking about all that paper the kid could make by hitting a small white ball while wearing REALLY loud clothing.

You ever meet someone on your job that you may not know so well and ask them what they do and they reply “Special Projects”. What the hell does that really mean? For all you know, they probably sit at their desk on the internet all day, chronically masturbating. Or worse, that person is like a trained assassin or something. What does a realty need an assassin for? Oh whatever, that was clearly off the top of my head via my ass. The “Special Projects” person is the one you really need to keep your eye on….don’t set your drink down near them at the company party. You don’t know where their hands have been or their new special project is to eliminate you….

Now that was REALLY random!!!

Pimps? Damn, it's Hard Out Here For Everybody!

Good morning all, thought I would hit you with a blog rewind. I wrote this one on June 7, 2006 when the economy was crazy but not as hellish as it is now. Enjoy, hit you with some fresh out the oven blogs later...

No disrespect to pimps (shout outs to Pimpin Ken and Bishop Magic Don Juan) but I went to Wal-Mart last night and I observed people shopping as I was and I saw the faces of sticker shock. I mean wages are flat (ain't nobody getting a raise and some of us work all the time!) and everything is steadily going up! Even the prospect of education which is supposed to mean a better standard of living is out of reach. We have to incur massive debt just to work hard enough to get by, in the words of Johnny "Guitar" Watson..."Aint that a Bitch"! But really, if you think about the song and I know you saw "Pimps up, Hos Down" is it really hard out here for a pimp? Technically, they ain't doing shit!!! I guess it is hard out here for a pimp to give orders! It is hard out here for the poor man!

Submitted for your disapproval:

1. The last couple of weeks, I was noticing that gas had got down to aroung 2.60 a gallon. I got excited, my heart started beating wildly in my chest, I started to sweat and I got a bit lightheaded. Could we see gas under 2.00 a gallon soon I thought? Actually, I was under the influence of the fumes of the 10% Ethanol in the gas as I pumped $25 into my 4 cylinder Sentra. So I guess I was high for once in my life. Those oil company executives should be shot...yet another example of pimpery at it's finest. As soon as we all make the money, we go running to the pumps for gas so it's like payout to the oil pimps.

2. I haven't seen this many bank robberies in the news since I was a child. I thought bank robbery was played out considering the technology that aids police in catching the thieves (ask the cell phone bandit about that...dumbass!!) and CSI has us believing we can extract DNA from anything and voila...I GOT YO ASS!! It's got to be pretty tight out here when you walk into a bank in the middle of summer with a gun, a sweatshirt and pantyhose on your head looking to run off with a sack of dough!

3. How about Lay and Skilling at Enron? Now you either have to be a heartless SOB or just plain greedy to do what they did to those people. The working man don't stand a chance. You make better time keeping your nest egg in a Mason jar under your mattress with a pit bull standing guard instead of investing. The man will find a way to get his and get yours. And after the verdict was read, how about one of them still insisted he was innocent and plans to appeal? If I was a member of the press corps and I heard that ignant ass shit (yes, not ignornant...ignant) I would have taken my microphone and knocked the cowboy shit out of him!

MC Hammer said it best, We got to pray just to make it today. Which makes me wonder...is it hard out here for Hammer too?

Who remembers this...

Ok all my peeps out there, raise your hand if you had a Big Wheel growing up! Were these joints not the bomb! You tried to ride this sucker long after you got too big for it! I hated giving mine up...a tricycle!!! WTF!!! You did wild crazy manuvers with big wheels, rode down hills, up the sidewalk like a freakin mad person on this thing! Thinking back, I think I went through 3 or 4 because all that hard riding led to cracked tires! My brother was worse, he used to ride his through our basketball game and when he did, my cousin would throw the ball at him while he was making that quick get away! Ah, memories!!

Livin' for the Weekend...The Week in Review (My 25th entry on Blogger!)

I saw Dunkin Doughnuts bag on the ground today and I thought, are they are still around? Dunkin Doughnuts are the worst doughnuts on earth! How do they stay in business? Seriously, if you f*ck up a Blueberry muffin you should not be in business! Simply awful, Krispy Kreme needs to get to my town quick! Bruce Bruce was right, when you see that Hot Now sign come on, you almost cause an accident trying to change lanes to get there!

While awaiting election results, my remote control ADD started acting up and I was flipping channels. BET was covering the election results. Let me repeat that...BET was covering the election results. One word to describe this...embarassing! First of all, I have never seen such a large panel of no-names assembled ever in life (Jeff Johnson with this braids and baby hair edge-up was hosting), Second, they interviewed folks who in my opinion were out of their element (in fairness, CNN interviewed Will.i.Am virtually and I could have cared less what he thought, he sucks anyway!), Third, Why did Toure look like a broke ass Fonzworth Bentley? I think he knew he was going to be on TV, wear a suit and tie and if a hair cut is not in plan, smooth out the naps in the fro dude! His jacket looked like it didnt fit, with one button fastened. Fourth, their electoral map was on a board with pictures tacked on of the candidate and the state they won. I think the board was left over from Walter Chronkite's coverage of the 68' election! Nonetheless entertaining but it makes me wonder, why bother? I would have appreciated it more if they just covered the outcome and Obama's acceptance speech. Harsh huh...

McCain's consession speech was classy, someone made the comment that he isnt as big of an ass afterall. I agree, in 2000 he appeared to be the guy until Bush railroaded him. Only thing, he had to be a douche to get elected and that along with Palin dragging his ticket down it cost him. Well and W played a big role in this as well, but I think we all knew that! His crowd was a bunch of punk ass sore losers! I still dont think he has done enough to quiet their discontent over Obama. I think he will have to do more to address this issue and soon!

During and after the election of Obama, I have seen a couple of Conservatives who have surprisingly approached this positively. William Bennett, former Education Secretary said on CNN during the returns that Obama's election does show that there is and was never a Bradley efffect, it shows that we have made progress in this country but we cannot forget the past transgressions as we move forward into this new chapter. I was floored, the average conservative feels that whenever a black person makes it that automatically means racism is dead and that we need to "get over it" and stop being a "victim". I hate that, I had a friend who would always give me that argument when we debated politics growing up. I wonder if he still feels that way? It's ironic, he is a minority as well but as I would always say to him is that he would be better accepted in those circles than I ever would. Then on the View yesterday Elizabeth Hasselbeck, America's most tortured conservative said that she would support our new President. I about fell out of my chair when I heard that! I think not much more can be said to that but stay tuned!

I am trying hard to avoid as much news as I can at least until the inaugration. They are going to cover, discuss and scrutinize everything Obama does until then. If the man rips a fart, I think Dana Bash from CNN will remote live to discuss smell, loudness factor and collateral damage to the environment and his underwear! Geez, there are other things going on in the world like hoping W doesnt embarass us in his remaining 70+ days in office! We do have 70+ more days to add to the Bush lexicon, maybe he will create or mispronounce a few more words for us. I know a few English teachers have died from his poor grammar and speech.

This week, aside from the election has been a real cluster f*ck! I like (not love) my job, being a problem solver when alot of stuff goes wrong in a short period of time sucks! I think the only blessing is that my night call has been almost non-existant. (I am knocking on wood as I say that) I guess some alcohol consumption is in order...it's Throwdown Thursday and the Real Men Council is meeting...The Real Men (not the ROC Boys) are in the building tonight!! I think that will be a good way to blow off some steam, try to get reoriented and my head back on track at work and HOME! Lately I have been mentally and physically tired... the physical was from treking to San Diego a couple of weeks ago for a conference and you know once you get used to a new time zone, it is time to go back to your time zone. I wasnt dragging as much as I thought I would be, but it did take its toll. Getting back into the flow of work wasnt too bad, I just hate coming back to things that you thought were getting done and they turn out to be still outstanding. The mental has been a combo of work and home, I just come home drained. Then I want to relax knowing I need to continue my academic persuits and trying to keep happiness and peace in a long distance relationship is tough. Lately, we have been seeing each other quite often, alot due to football season but it is hard. I knew it would be, but sometimes it gets me down a bit. I am used to having my gf around (for better or for worse) but having someone there is always the more preferred option. But whatever it's worth, living here a long distance is better than being single in alot of respects.

San Diego was a great town, lots to do although I didnt feel like I had alot of time (the conference was jam packed and I had to present a poster) and my hotel was near nothing. I did meet some cool folks from other organizations and schools and the networking was awesome! And what is a conference without great swag! I got lots of pens, bags and a coffee cup that I have been rocking hard!

The Gaslamp district is where it's at, just bring alot of money because it is an expensive town! Lots of great restaurants but you will pay a grip for some grub! I would like to go back, the weather was great and I went off-peak so that was a plus. I would designate San Diego a good getaway to escape the fall or winter blahs, if just for a moment. Traveling has me thinking more about where I want to go in 2009. Hell, I wish i could go to Vegas early next year! Maybe a couple (or three) vacations may be in order in 09!

Thanks for hitting me up, i'll holla! Class dismissed...